brainrow

Mac vs. PC ad parody with South Park-style animation. (This is not done by the creators of South Park.)

Thirty-seven years is a long time.

It’s about half the average human lifespan.

By the time a typical American male turns 37, he may already be shopping for some impractical extravagance — like an expensive sports car — to tide him over the dreaded “mid-life crisis” that all the experts tell him to expect. He’s already older than half of his fellow Americans, and substantially more than half of the world’s population.

Thirty-seven years ago today, Ohio National Guardsmen were ordered to break up a student anti-war rally on the Kent State University campus in Kent, Ohio. They put on gas masks, fired tear gas, and advanced with fixed bayonets to clear the Commons where the protesters were gathered.

When they had cleared the Commons and were returning to their original positions, one group of Guardsmen suddenly stopped, turned, and fired into the crowd of students.

Thirteen seconds. Sixty-seven shots. Thirteen hit, all students. Four dead in Ohio.

One of those wounded, Alan Canfora, has listened to an audio recording of the shooting. Right before the first shots, he believes he hears “Right here. Get set. Point. Fire.” (You can listen to a short audio clip. The orders, if present, are faint.)

“There has been a 37-year cover-up at Kent State. The commanding officers have long denied there was a verbal command to fire. They put the blame on the triggermen,” Mr Canfora told the Guardian.

He said he wants the FBI to use new technology to analyse the recording. He also said he planned to post an audio clip of the recording on two websites.

Mr Canfora, who was 21 years old at the time of the shootings, was barely 60 metres away from the Guards when they opened fire. He was shot in the wrist.

“They stopped, turned, raised the weapons, began to shoot and continued to shoot for 13 seconds,” he said. “It was like a firing squad.”

The young National Guardsmen moved on. Got married. Got jobs. Had careers. By now, some may have retired. They have friends and families who love them. Children and grandchildren.

A lot of water under the bridge in 37 years.

Allison Krause would be 56 years old now. She would have celebrated her birthday on April 23, just a week ago this past Monday.

Jeffrey Glen Miller would be 57.

Sandra Scheuer would be 57.

William Schroeder would be 56.

No careers. No children. No grandchildren.

Yep, a lot of water under the bridge.

The United States was introduced to the seven Mercury astronauts on April 9, 1959.

They were living symbols of American youth, energy, courage, and boundless possibilities. So it’s hard to believe that now there are only two:

Wally Schirra, one of the original astronauts in the Mercury 7 project, died Thursday at age 84, NASA officials said.

Schirra died in California, the officials said. He was the fifth American in space and the third to orbit Earth.

He was the only astronaut who flew in three of the nation’s pioneering space programs: Mercury, Gemini and Apollo.

The only surviving Mercury astronauts are John Glenn and Scott Carpenter.

Update: Wally Schirra never flew again after Apollo 7. Time magazine tells why.

Okay, I think I know what’s happening here.

When the United States invaded Afghanistan after the 9/11 terror attacks, we drove out the Taliban and the dreaded religious police, who executed teachers, banned music and jailed men for trimming their beards.

Apparently some of the religious police settled in Millersville, Pennsylvania.

A woman denied a teaching degree on the eve of graduation because of a MySpace photo has sued the university.

Millersville University instead granted Stacy Snyder a degree in English last year after learning of her Web-published picture, which bore the caption “Drunken Pirate.”

“I dreamed about being a teacher for a long time,” said Snyder, 27, who now works as a nanny.

The photo, taken at a 2005 Halloween party, shows Snyder wearing a pirate hat while drinking from a plastic “Mr. Goodbar” cup. It was posted on her own MySpace site.

Although Snyder apologized, she learned the day before graduation that she would not be awarded an education degree or teaching certificate.

They hate us for our freedom.

The big problem with Barack Obama is his lack of experience. He’s only been in the U.S. Senate for a little more than two years. Does he have what it takes to deal with the tough issues?

Via John Moltz, here’s an interview from 2002, shortly after Congress gave Bush authority to attack Iraq:

Watch this and ask yourself who looks smarter on foreign policy in retrospect: Obama or Dick Cheney? Obama or George Bush? Obama or Colin Powell? Obama or Hillary Clinton?

Supporters of the Bush Administration have often complained that we’re not hearing the good news from Iraq — we’re not hearing about the schools and reconstruction and all the success stories. So, how’s it going?

In a troubling sign for the American-financed rebuilding program in Iraq, inspectors for a federal oversight agency have found that in a sampling of eight projects that the United States had declared successes, seven were no longer operating as designed because of plumbing and electrical failures, lack of proper maintenance, apparent looting and expensive equipment that lay idle.

The United States has previously admitted, sometimes under pressure from federal inspectors, that some of its reconstruction projects have been abandoned, delayed or poorly constructed. But this is the first time inspectors have found that projects officially declared a success — in some cases, as little as six months before the latest inspections — were no longer working properly.

The inspections ranged geographically from northern to southern Iraq and covered projects as varied as a maternity hospital, barracks for an Iraqi special forces unit and a power station for Baghdad International Airport.

One of the eight projects is still “operating as designed.” I’m betting the person responsible for that project gets fired.

I’m trying to meet George W. Bush half-way. I don’t expect greatness. I don’t even expect mediocrity. Competence in government is a musty relic of a bygone era. But, please, George — stop making a religion of incompetence.

This old song keeps running through my head. The tune is catchy, but I don’t think I’ve heard it since it made the Top 40 back in 1968.

It’s a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack.

Oh, it’s a very strange world. Listen:

British Airways has airbrushed a scene of arch-rival Sir Richard Branson out of its in-flight James Bond movie “Casino Royale”, sources close to the company said on Monday.

The Virgin Atlantic chief is briefly featured in the original 007 film at an airport security scanner, but can only be seen from the back in the edited version.

Shots of the tail fin of a Virgin plane have also been obscured.

“Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten,” apparently.

Via Ed Brayton, they have different concerns in Utah, where a Republican delegate wants his party to pin the blame for illegal immigration squarely on Satan.

Don Larsen, a district chairman, has submitted a resolution equating illegal immigration to “Satan’s plan to destroy the U.S. by stealth invasion” for debate at Saturday’s Utah County Republican Party Convention.

Referring to a plan by the devil for a “New World Order … as predicted in the Scriptures,” the resolution calls for the Utah County Republican Party to support “closing the national borders to illegal immigration to prevent the destruction of the U.S. by stealth invasion.”

“Everything I need to know I learned in Sunday School?”

Meanwhile, a school teacher in Indiana fights to keep her job. Why?

The column in the student newspaper seemed innocent enough: advocating tolerance for people “different than you.”

But since sophomore Megan Chase’s words appeared January 19 in The Tomahawk, the newspaper at Woodlan Junior-Senior High School, her newspaper adviser has been suspended and is fighting for her job, and charges of censorship and First Amendment violations are clouding this conservative northeastern Indiana community. …

[Newspaper advisor Amy] Sorrell has been placed on administrative leave and the school district has recommended she be fired. A public hearing is scheduled April 28, and the school board expects to vote May 1.

Kindergarteners aren’t cute at that age.

You want fresh thinking? Look to the U.S. armed forces:

The armed forces, already struggling to meet recruiting goals, are considering expanding the number of noncitizens in the ranks — including disputed proposals to open recruiting stations overseas and putting more immigrants on a faster track to US citizenship if they volunteer — according to Pentagon officials.

Foreign citizens serving in the US military is a highly charged issue, which could expose the Pentagon to criticism that it is essentially using mercenaries to defend the country. Other analysts voice concern that a large contingent of noncitizens under arms could jeopardize national security or reflect badly on Americans’ willingness to serve in uniform.

Remember those old movies about the French Foreign Legion? Our fresh thinking is French thinking. But our fries — those are freedom fries.

It’s a very strange world, and I thank you.

Remember, people: this country was attacked. Thousands died. This is an emergency. There’s no way the Bush Administration can do what it wants to do if citizens are thinking. Via The Lantern:

Isn’t that a load off your mind?

Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow takes a look at the pundits’ track record.

They’re still making predictions, still rendering harsh judgment of those who disagree.

“Past performance is not a predictor of future results.” These visionaries are probably all 100% correct now.

From Monday night, The Daily Show on Alberto Gonzales’ congressional testimony.

Legally, Gonzales had to appear before Congress. So, his choice was either to expose the Administration’s political machinations, or appear to be a functioning pinhead. He went with pinhead, and if I may say, nailed it.

This video will expire on May 24. I wonder who will be the Attorney General then?

I think I’ve figured out what Donald Rumsfeld has been doing since he stepped down as Secretary of Defense.

John McCain was on The Daily Show on Tuesday night. Here he’s talking about his visit to a Baghdad market:

Things are safer than they were. Are they safe? No. Are they safer? Yes. Are they better? Yes. Have we got a long way to go? Yes. Is it long, is it hard and tough? Yes. Am I saying “last throes?” No. Am I saying “mission accomplished?” No. Am I saying “a few dead enders?” No.

Yes, it appears that Rumsfeld has been teaching the art of public speaking.

Quotes from a variety of sources:

“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.” — Thomas S. Szasz

“Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.” — H. G. Wells

“If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.” — Benjamin Franklin

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” — Will Rogers

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” — Benjamin Franklin

Now you know why George W. Bush keeps furrowing his brow and saying, “It’s hard! It’s hard work!”

(Lots of good quotes about time at ScienceBlogs.)

Bob Geiger has video of a George W. Bush Collector’s Plate Series. (Warning: strong language.)

Via Crooks and Liars, here are 15 embarrassing photos of George W. Bush.

I’m embarrassed.

In 1981, a rotten nobody shot President Ronald Reagan to impress a girl.

Also seriously wounded in the shooting were White House press secretary James Brady, DC police officer Thomas Delehanty, and Secret Service agent Tim McCarthy.

Suddenly, all of America knew the rotten nobody’s name. His life story was told and retold on the evening news. His picture was on television, and in every newspaper and news magazine.

Only a few months before that, a different rotten nobody had murdered John Lennon outside his home in New York because the nobody wanted to be famous. He got his wish — even now, it seems Barbara Walters interviews him in prison whenever she needs to fill out another hour of infotainment. He’s her “go to” guy.

I made a resolution back then: insofar as possible, I would never mention the name of those rotten nobodies, or of any other rotten nobody who hurt or killed people to become famous.

It costs me points in Trivial Pursuit games. That’s a price I’m willing to pay.

But it’s lonely. Every time there’s a shooting in a school, you can bet every television network will remind us of the long history of earlier school shootings, and they’ll show us the faces and tell us the names of the rotten nobodies who murdered students and a teacher at Columbine High School in 1999. Still famous after all these years.

The rotten nobody who murdered 32 people at Virginia Tech on Monday paused between atrocities to mail off a press kit to NBC News in New York. What a surprise.

NBC received the package on Wednesday, and showed some of the photos and video during their nightly newscast. What a surprise.

They justified the decision to show the videos with high-minded words about the public’s right to know what caused the murders.

On MSNBC, they aired the photos and the videos non-stop. During Keith Olbermann’s one-hour MSNBC program, the videos and photos played over and over on a loop on screen even during talking-head interviews. The replays paused only during a very brief segment about some of the victims. (Now, that’s respect.)

Funny, I still don’t understand what caused the murders.

Last night I checked the websites of CNN, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, and the BBC. Every single one of them featured a photo from the rotten nobody’s press kit. What a surprise.

It pays to advertise.

Via John Moltz: The next time someone calls you “chicken” because you don’t like war, show him this very short video of two chickens breaking up a rabbit fight.

If only our State Department were half that effective.