I was rolling merrily along, believing I was reasonably healthy for a guy my age. Hah!
I’m sick, sick, sick. I’m sick in ways that didn’t even exist just a few months ago. It’s called scientific progress.
The pharmaceutical companies have set me straight. Every few months, they tell me about another formerly unsuspected way that I might be seriously ill. And fortunately, there’s always a pill for it.
At the end of a long day of hard work, do you sometimes come home tired? Talk to your doctor.
When you’re sitting or lying down, do you ever feel like getting up? There’s a pill for that. When you’re up and about, have you ever wanted to sit or lie down? Pill for that, too. Disappointed that you haven’t done more with your life? Pill.
Now, via Molecule of the Day and Justine Cooper, there’s Havidol, for “When More is Not Enough.”
There are potential side effects, of course. From the FAQ:
It may decrease the patient’s sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. There is little documentation to support this claim other than the observations of those not undertaking treatment with HAVIDOL.
Yeah, there’s always somebody whining about scientific progress. Fortunately, there’s a pill for that. From The Onion:
The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of the drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to treat chronic distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.
Pfizer executives characterized the FDA’s approval as a “godsend” for sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health disorders.
Update: Okay, it turns out Justine Cooper is an artist, not a scientist, and Havidol is really a parody of “lifestyle drug” advertising. And it turns out The Onion is not, as they claim, “America’s Finest News Source,” but a satirical fake newspaper.
Now, I like to laugh as much as the next person, but I’ll take my humor in time-release capsule form, please.
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